Buy this: The girls come free and in hordes

Last week, Victor Keegan spoke of iPhone in The Guardian. In an unpublished followup analysis, Moosambi remarked:
> An interesting take: Which phone review have you read so far that addresses quality of reception in more than one line? It’s more about the the fluff.

Agreed. But, standing on the shoulders of Dave Barry (in his marketing guru avatar), I look at this whole advertisement spin world differently, and propose this theorem.

Lemma: In the world of marketing, what matters is perception.

Theorem: Every product advertisement is designed to show that if a fellow buys the advertised product, politely put, all the world’s gorgeous women will be dying to do his laundry.

Axiomatic Proof:

[Note for the Hollywood reader: For full effect, replace Aishwarya with NicoleKidman, Preity with Madonna, Rani with CatherineZetaJones, Bipasha-Malaika-Mallika troika with DrewBarrymore-SalmaHayek-PenelopeCruz and so on]

You wakeup all groggy and get on to brush your teeth with Colgate super fresh. But don’t bother to spit the froth out; Aishwarya is waiting to do the cleanup, rather imaginatively.

While she is at it, you think of a close shave with Palmolive and Mach-3. Even before you can say hey!, Preity is rubbing her cheek against yours and cooing some strange word sounding like smooooooth.

All tingled, you run for the shower grabbing a brick of Cinthol lime fresh on the way, enter the shower and almost trip over a drenched Rani. You hoodwink her, rush through the bath and go to the walk-in-closet.

Here, much to your surprise, all three of them _along_ with Bipasha, Malaika, Mallika materialize attracted towards the aerosol on you, just as you depress the Axe deo nozzle. Having had them enough (no pun intended), you run for cover as you are yet to put on your VIP frenchie briefs – but then little do you realise that no man has ever done that without having his door knocked down by a frenzied group of Miss India - Femina contestants, all in beach wear.

At a distance, through the window, is your 180cc Pulsar motorbike. You guessed it right - it is already surrounded by supermodels-grade PYTs waiting to go ooooooh.

Let's not even talk about the Skoda in your garage.

Real May Day ... SOS ... But then, you can't be held down for long. A brilliant idea flashes across your geek brain - to whip out your 10-megapixel, HDTV, MPEG-4 + H.264, 7.1 channel, blu-ray ready mobile phone "SWRD" (yes; pronounced by non-geek dorks with an 'O' in it) and dial 911 for help.

Now, what according to the formula, do you you think would happen, when you touch the phone? An question fit to be left as an exercise for the reader.