Bharat Ratna Sanjay Munnabhai Gandhiwaadi Dutt

In a stunning, watershed, landmark, unprecedented, cathartic verdict, Sanjay Dutt (yes, the bollywood god for millions of morons in my country) has been pronounced guilty in the 1993 Mumbai serial blasts case. The holy ganges rises as it collects a mourning nation's tears.

Is this it? I mean, is this the judgement day, when hope in justice and good is finally rewarded? Should I turn into a believer and atone for heresy? Apparently not.

Let us not pause, not even for a moment and think of those blasted souls of 1993. They are dead for good.

What is important, as the whole of our Bollywood teaches us through all forms of media at this poignant moment, is that Sanjay Dutt should immediately be awarded Bharat Ratna for being smart enough to hire lawyers who got an acquittal for the TADA case, on technical grounds. I would go one step ahead and propose that Sanjay be named as the new 'Father of the Nation'. For, what the naked fakir couldn't achieve in his entire life, our Sanjay Gandhiwaadi Dutt has achieved in his Munnabhai-II avatar - the achievement of making loads of money by peddling cheap 'mass' entertainment under the garb of non-violence.

Wait. It is easy for anyone to call Sanjay a drug addicted, heroin peddling, arms dealing, mediocre bollywood actor. (He has in his initial confession accepted all these as true and ofcourse retracted the confession after able advice from his lawyers). But then, it is not Sanjay's fault if people trip over each other and throw money at his movies even if he is working with the Salems of the underworld to entertain Mumbai with some large scale fireworks. Yes, some innocent people die. No one cares for them. You do not need to take my word for it. Look at the newspapers tomorrow.

Excuse me; I need to make advance bookings for Munnabhai Returns.

Buy this: The girls come free and in hordes

Last week, Victor Keegan spoke of iPhone in The Guardian. In an unpublished followup analysis, Moosambi remarked:
> An interesting take: Which phone review have you read so far that addresses quality of reception in more than one line? It’s more about the the fluff.

Agreed. But, standing on the shoulders of Dave Barry (in his marketing guru avatar), I look at this whole advertisement spin world differently, and propose this theorem.

Lemma: In the world of marketing, what matters is perception.

Theorem: Every product advertisement is designed to show that if a fellow buys the advertised product, politely put, all the world’s gorgeous women will be dying to do his laundry.

Axiomatic Proof:

[Note for the Hollywood reader: For full effect, replace Aishwarya with NicoleKidman, Preity with Madonna, Rani with CatherineZetaJones, Bipasha-Malaika-Mallika troika with DrewBarrymore-SalmaHayek-PenelopeCruz and so on]

You wakeup all groggy and get on to brush your teeth with Colgate super fresh. But don’t bother to spit the froth out; Aishwarya is waiting to do the cleanup, rather imaginatively.

While she is at it, you think of a close shave with Palmolive and Mach-3. Even before you can say hey!, Preity is rubbing her cheek against yours and cooing some strange word sounding like smooooooth.

All tingled, you run for the shower grabbing a brick of Cinthol lime fresh on the way, enter the shower and almost trip over a drenched Rani. You hoodwink her, rush through the bath and go to the walk-in-closet.

Here, much to your surprise, all three of them _along_ with Bipasha, Malaika, Mallika materialize attracted towards the aerosol on you, just as you depress the Axe deo nozzle. Having had them enough (no pun intended), you run for cover as you are yet to put on your VIP frenchie briefs – but then little do you realise that no man has ever done that without having his door knocked down by a frenzied group of Miss India - Femina contestants, all in beach wear.

At a distance, through the window, is your 180cc Pulsar motorbike. You guessed it right - it is already surrounded by supermodels-grade PYTs waiting to go ooooooh.

Let's not even talk about the Skoda in your garage.

Real May Day ... SOS ... But then, you can't be held down for long. A brilliant idea flashes across your geek brain - to whip out your 10-megapixel, HDTV, MPEG-4 + H.264, 7.1 channel, blu-ray ready mobile phone "SWRD" (yes; pronounced by non-geek dorks with an 'O' in it) and dial 911 for help.

Now, what according to the formula, do you you think would happen, when you touch the phone? An question fit to be left as an exercise for the reader.

Breaking news ...

In a well rehearsed coup, Dems beat Reps 51-49. Yawn.

On a more serious note, Oneirodynic Spurtan files a petition of national importance: idli2006. Homeland Security promptly responds by raising a mauve alert.

Closer home, in the Jessical Lal case, a senile Jethmalani gets away with a good part of his underpants intact, in a lively skirmish with the judge. Unsatisfied with this unexpected development, he immediately announces plans of losing them (the underpants) by vigorously defending the Delhi traders in the Supreme court.

Wednesday afternoon; neither here nor there

Sunday. Manic Monday. Tranquil Tuesday. Today; well, a wierd Wednesday. Afternoon. Silicon baking in the fab. Enough and more code to write meanwhile. About time for a walk in Jot Space.